Love Letter
by readyornots
Summary: Long distance relationships suck. They just suck you dry because you try so hard to keep it going when it drives both of you crazy. It doesn't matter how much you love each other. Love is unfair sometimes... [Kendall/OC]


**Disclaimer**: I don't own Big Time Rush.

* * *

Kendall's POV

It's been 7 months. 7 months since I've last seen Lyss. Lyss London, singer, actress, my girlfriend. This has been probably the longest we've been apart. It's hard to be far away from someone you love. Some days you long to be with them, some days you fight. I know I've hurt her feelings a few times since I've been away.

Today is going to be a special day. I know it, she's so expecting me to show up to our apartment (yeah we live together, but I mean, we haven't really spent a night there together since we bought the place). I'm so happy I finally get to touch her again. Just kiss her, hold her, feel her. It seems so foreign to me now since it's been so long.

I arrived at our door at 6:17 PM, I swung the door open and she threw herself at me. "KENDALL!" Lyss squealed and kissed my cheek. "Oh, flowers! That's just like you." She giggled and accepted them.

Lyss helped me bring my bags in and do my laundry. She would go on and on about how her career and how much she's missed me. Every time she looked at me, she smiled wide. I guess it's because she was happy to see me after all this time. Yeah, we've skypes, snapchatted, and stuff like that but it's different when you finally get to see them in person once again.

A few things changed here: curtains, walls, a few things have been moved around, I guess that's what kept Lyss busy when I was gone and when she wasn't working. Lyss changed a few things too, her perfume, her hair color. But she still looks beautiful and she's still everything I want and more.

"I've missed you." Lyss wrapped her arms around my waist. "It gets lonely around here when you're gone."

"I bet." I replied and brought her into my arms. Her head rested against my chest and I could feel her smile form. That's what I like, knowing that she's happy. When we were apart, it was difficult cause sometimes we'd fight or we'd get frustrated and I couldn't be there to make her feel better. It's hard trying to fix through phone calls and text messages. Knowing her, she'd beat herself up about it sometimes.

"It's too bad that I only have a night with you before I have to leave again tomorrow. But hey, it won't be too long. It's just a month-" Lyss cut me off before I could finish.

"What?!" Lyss yelled. "Why didn't you tell me that before? So I get to spend what? A night with you and then in the morning you're gone for another month? So after a few days, we'll fight. I'll cry. I'll wait for your replies. Then a few days later, we'll make up. It's tiring! I just... Kendall. I can't do this."

I bit my lip and rubbed her shoulder. "Don't say that. You know it's going to be tough since we're both so busy."

"I didn't want to but that's how I feel. I don't think I can do this without losing my sanity." Lyss frowned.

I don't know what to do. Would it be selfish if I made her stay with me? Yes. But I just can't let her go. "Come on, Lyss. We're in love. Love makes everything better. I promise you, once that month is over, we'll be even more in love and-" Lyss cut me off again and she started to cry.

"I love you. But I hate it when you're gone. I hate missing you. I hate being alone. I hate waiting for you and going to bed at weird times just so I can finally put myself together to say Good Morning to you. It was a lot healthier before. Days when we could see each other and be together. Go on runs and sharing snappeas when we're walking your Yuma. I want that. I don't want to wait anymore. I feel like I've been waiting for happiness for too long for us. I'm not saying that I was completely miserable when you were gone. But it's frustrating and stressful to when we try to make this work when we're apart." Lyss tried to wipe her tears but they kept on falling. "I want to be with you but I don't think it's good for me right now."

I walked over to her and hugged her. "I understand." I kiss her forehead. "If that's what will make you happy. I respect that. It's just... hard because I don't want to let you go."

"I don't want to either." Lyss sobbed into my chest. I didn't know what else to do because I was going to cry too. I had everything planned out and now... we're breaking up. It was supposed to be a good day... not a disaster.

"Hey, Lyss. Shhhh." I tried to calm her down. "Shhhh." I ran my fingers through her hair and looked at her. "This isn't goodbye. You're my best friend, we can still be that. You'll always be with me no matter what." I kissed her forehead again and she grinned a little bit.

"You mean that? You're not just saying that like everyone else, are you?"

I nodded and kissed her hand. "I'll probably be texting you even if you were the kind of girl who would hate me right after we break up." I laughed and she laughed too.

The rest of the night we just talked. Tears dried away and we tried our best to be friendly. We laid on the floor of our apartment and just talked. We mostly talked about how life is going to different without being in a relationship and how weird how since we aren't going to call each other "boyfriend" and "girlfriend" it almost seems like everything is going to change but it's not.

"Crazy, isnt it?" Lyss said, "It's a lonely feeling just realizing you're not my boyfriend. But you're my friend now. So why should that change a thing?"

"I think the only big change is, we're taking a big step backwards. Usually people are friends then lovers then acquaintances or worse, strangers at the end. But we went from friends to lovers then back to friends. We need to put our feelings aside and just be good to each other. No kissing, sex, holding hands, lovey dovey notes. It's okay though as long I know I can still be in your life." I almost leaned into kiss her but instead, I just hugged her.

It's not what I want. I had plans for us in the future. I had plans after we came back next month. It's just... difficult but if this will make her happy, I have to do this.

We headed to our bedroom and we continued our talk up there until she fell asleep on my chest. I couldn't sleep at all. I changed my clothes and looked through one of the cute scrapbooks she's made for me on one of our anniversaries. She's all about keeping memories alive. Always taking pictures and videos. In this scrapbook, it has pictures of us when we went to Disneyland, she lost her sweater on one of the rides and I let her borrow mine even though it was 50 degrees outside. Another page was us at Universal Studios and we had some pretty cute pictures with Spongebob.

So I guess this is all I have... memories. Yeah, we talked about how we now have our friendship which isn't too bad. But I had plans for us.

* * *

Lyss' POV

The next morning, I couldn't help but feel like I'm the bad guy... I don't want this but I don't think I can keep waiting. It's awful just waiting and waiting. I want to feel something and not be paranoid that maybe, he's found somebody else. Knowing Kendall, he would never do that to me. But... I can't help but think of the worse when it's horrible just waiting around.

But I know that when he comes back, maybe we can pick it back up to how it was before. I just need to get myself out of the whole "girlfriend" mentality. Is it sad that, that's how my mind works? I have some crazy girlfriend mentality that makes me extremely emotional and fragile. I know, it's ridiculous! I should just calm down and just realize, I can trust Kendall and it won't be too bad. Kendall is an incredible guy and when he comes back, things will be better than ever. I was never alone... I just made myself feel like I was alone. Maybe, we don't have to break up. I should probably tell him how I feel before he leaves.

Kendall was already downstairs, I told him I'd come down soon. But once I came down, he was already packed and ready to go.

"Leaving so soon?" I asked.

Kendall nodded. "Yeah, my flight leaves soon and I'm already late. But hey, I'll call and text you as soon as I get in." He hugged me tight. "We might as well tell people about the break up too. Before someone else does or our publicists pressure us to make a statement." He chuckled then nudged my shoulder.

"Keep the place looking good. I'll see you in a month." He kissed my cheek and then pulled away quickly. "Sorry, still getting used to this friend thing." He hugged me once again and then hopped into his car.

...I guess I could just tell him that when he gets back or the next time we skyped. So I went in side the house and cleaned up a bit and then I saw it... he posted about our break up... wow already? He must have had it drafted up. That's so like him, he never wants to say the wrong thing so he probably started writing it last night and then revised it a few hundred times.

"Things don't always go your way. It's okay. It hurts sometimes but you have to deal with it. I just wanted you guys to know that Lyss and I are no longer together and it's okay. No need to freak out on her or me. It was a mutual thing. She's a good friend of mine, I love her then, I still love her. I can't really say much just cause it's really tough.

Love you guys, Kendall"

...Well that was brief-er than I expected. He used to write paragraphs and paragraphs about me in our cute little scrapbooks and in interviews he would babble on about me.

So I guess it's my turn...

* * *

Kendall's POV

I got to the airport and opened up my twitter feed to see the responses from fans about my twitlonger. Then I saw Lyss'... Which was a lot longer than I expected.

"Three years. When you're with somebody for three years, you can't imagine letting them go. You become... comfortable. They're like being at home. You know where everything is, you miss it when you're gone for too long... that's probably the worse part.

It's tough being with somebody for a long time because they become apart of your routine. If you see them a lot, then you're used to seeing them a lot... then once you get out of that routine, it's weird. When you see less of each other, the routine changes. The routine becomes just missing each other... waiting on each other's text messages, phone calls, skype requests... waking up at weird times just to hear from each other. It's tiring, frustrating, and depressing because you want to be with someone so much but you can't be with them physically.

Right now, I'm at a weird transition... I'm taking on a new routine. But this routine only includes one person and that's me. It was a difficult but mutual decision.

But it's okay because it's not goodbye. We're still friends (and I made him promise that we're not going to just say "we'll still be friends" and then not talk and give each other death glares when we see each other), we just know right now isn't a good time for a relationship.

With so much going on in our lives, it's difficult trying to keep this going without crying really or being upset with each other.

Kendall and I decided that it's best that you heard it from us instead of someone else. It's better that way.

Kendall, you were the first guy I ever fell in love with. You were a lot of firsts actually, kiss, roommate, road trip buddy, long distant relationship. I know when we made this decision it was hard for you. It was hard for me too. Saying goodbye is the hardest part, but at least we can say hello to a new relationship. A friendship.

Love,

Lyss London."

I couldn't help but cry. I don't care if people are staring, it was just too much to take in because Lyss is ready to move on. I turned off my phone immediately.

If only she knew I wanted her to be the one so badly...

* * *

Lyss' POV

Pressing send was the most difficult thing ever. I cried for a while after I posted it. It's what I wanted because it would be good for me but I didn't expect it to hurt so much.

I headed to the master bathroom to take a nice soothing and long bubble bath when I noticed Kendall left his favorite jacket on the floor. He was wearing it last night, he probably forgot about it because it didn't seem like he took a shower before he left. I was on my way to put his jacket ion the laundry basket when I felt something in the pocket of his jacket. I pulled it out and it was a box...

* * *

Kendall's POV

My flight got delayed an hour so I turned my phone back on and checked my messages and I got a picture message from Lyss.

"Was this supposed to be mine?" Lyss attached a photo of an engagement ring.

"Yes." I replied.


End file.
